This past Tuesday was my last day of work at the preschool until September, and I Saturday my mother and I left for a vacation down on Cape Cod. We rented a little cottage down the street from the beach and it is the cutest little place ever. There isn't a ton of stuff to do here - unless you are into nautical-themed clothing and decorations, in which case you could come here and have a fucking ball of a time - so basically we're hanging out at the beach or driving down to Provincetown, which is on the very tippity tip of the curvy end of Massachusetts. As of Day Two here, we've only just settled in and been to one of the beaches.
Now, usually I don't wear sunscreen at all
since I don't tend to stay in the sun for too
long, but since we were planning on staying at the beach all day I figured it would be a horrible idea not to put any on. Well, you know what else is horrible? MY SUNSCREEN APPLYING TECHNIQUE, APPARENTLY. Even with multiple applications of the stuff, I am in some pretty spectaular pain right now. ALSO, I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. Because the thing is, when you get a sunburn all over your body, people are like, "Oh, looks like someone was stupid enough to forget the sunscreen." But when you get a sunburn in ODDLY-SHAPED PATCHES ALL OVER YOUR BODY, PEOPLE ARE LIKE "HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO FUCK UP THAT
BADLY?" Or at least I assume that is what they are thinking, because it's definitely what I am thinking.
Somehow, in one day's worth of beaching, I have managed to get a sunburn on:
- the strip of skin between my nose and my upper lip (does that have a name?)
- my neck, but NOT THE ENTIRE THING JUST LIKE THE BOTTOM HALF which totally doesn't look weird AT ALL
- this weird patch on the front of my right shoulder where the very clear not-tanned line of my bikini strap is
- my upper back. like all of it.
- the entirety of the back of both of my legs. literally heel to where my bikini bottom started. RED AS FUCK. and i know i applied sunscreen there at least once so that's just like a double fuck you from the sun.
here's what my weird-looking 'wtf olivia' partial neck sunburn looks like, in case you needed some validation that your life choices weren't that
awful:( Read more...Collapse )
So yeah. Good times. Since there is no way to really sit or lie down without touching the backs of your legs to some sort of surface, I am inwardly swearing like a sailor. A salty sailor with a devout love of profanity. So maybe a pirate then? I don't even know anymore, honestly...ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD SUNBURN REMEDIES?